Divorce

After practicing family law through the traditional litigation process for about twenty years in multiple jurisdictions, I realized that most every family law litigation case has one thing in common, they result in absolute destruction in every possible direction. The parties are financially and emotionally damaged, the litigant’s children are emotionally damaged, relationships with family and friends of the litigants are damaged, and the attorneys, whether they will admit it or not, are also negatively impacted. 

Like timing, scheduling is everything.  Probably every seasoned litigator has experienced that irksome moment. The email from opposing counsel says they talked to the judge and have obtained dates for me to choose from to schedule an important hearing.  Yeah, the rules say it is ok to have ex parte communications with the judge’s office about mere scheduling maters, but, on the receiving end, that just never feels right.  I have almost never done it. Although I can, I don’t really want to.  I don’t want to take any chances of appearing improper.

Nesting provides respite from marital conflict and a stable home for the kids.

A new trend has emerged called “Nesting” (sometimes called “Birdnesting”) while separated or divorcing. The retired hit sitcom “Splitting up Together” brought nesting into the mainstream. My interest in nesting goes back to 1994 when my ex and I nested for 15 months. Most people have not heard of "nesting" during divorce, or perhaps don't fully understand how it works. 

I have learned when multiple folks tell me the same thing, there is probably some truth to the statements. Over the past year, I have often been told I need to “stay in my lane.” As a seasoned (aka old) professional, it was initially shocking to be confronted for over-stepping my roles in various cases then I realized……this is a symptom of being a Collaborative professional!

With all of the highly charged commentary about racial inequality and injustice in the news today, I recall a number of years ago being at breakfast at an IACP forum, looking around the room, and feeling a sense of curiosity and embarrassment, wondering “why are there so few people of color at the conference?”

Have you heard of Collaborative Divorce?  We sure hope so.  As the leading Collaborative Divorce organization, the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals seeks to educate the public and family law professionals about this unique process.  And yet, we know we have a long way to go to compete with the traditional court-based divorce that has been made famous in movies like War of the Roses and Kramer versus Kramer.