One of the first questions clients ask is, “What is this divorce going to cost?” They almost always are inquiring about the cost in dollars and cents. They learn that there is also an emotional cost to divorce which can be the most expensive aspect of the divorce process.
Creativity, Innovation, and Collaborative Divorce
What do creativity and innovation mean to you? Imagination, invention, and ingenuity are vital elements of what I now do every day at work, in the collaborative dispute resolution process. It’s why, when I first witnessed the magic of collaborative practice, it shredded my life’s ambition of thirty years, “To make new law,” and reconstructed it into an even more epic goal, “To change the way the world gets divorced.”
What do creativity and innovation mean to you? Imagination, invention, and ingenuity are vital elements of what I now do every day at work, in the collaborative dispute resolution process. It’s why, when I first witnessed the magic of collaborative practice, it shredded my life’s ambition of thirty years, “To make new law,” and reconstructed it into an even more epic goal, “To change the way the world gets divorced.”
Like Mama always said, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” It is important to choose our words wisely. In the context of a collaborative divorce, this is truer than ever.
Some words are just plain fighting words and have no place in a collaborative divorce. Others are just unnecessary. Here are a few terms you might want to avoid:
Like timing, scheduling is everything. Probably every seasoned litigator has experienced that irksome moment. The email from opposing counsel says they talked to the judge and have obtained dates for me to choose from to schedule an important hearing. Yeah, the rules say it is ok to have ex parte communications with the judge’s office about mere scheduling maters, but, on the receiving end, that just never feels right. I have almost never done it. Although I can, I don’t really want to. I don’t want to take any chances of appearing improper.
I am a daughter of divorce and a divorce attorney. Most collaborative professionals have reasons why they have chosen to put down their armor and swords and the bludgeoning tactics of court battles and do divorce differently. My reasons resonate in my practice, but I have only recently started to share, and this is the first time in writing, that I am a collaborative divorce attorney because my family legacy was decimated while I was almost 10 years into my practice as a family law litigator. I have been practicing 17 years.
How to make the best of the circumstances in which we find ourselves is a topic that has been written about and discussed throughout history. This is particularly apropos now, as we find ourselves in a worldwide pandemic. Being a person fortunate enough to have been born with “the optimist gene,” I read all I can on the topic of anything that motivates, inspires, or educates me on topics of interest. In today’s climate, I believe all of us can benefit from some extra inspiration and encouragement.
Nesting provides respite from marital conflict and a stable home for the kids.
A new trend has emerged called “Nesting” (sometimes called “Birdnesting”) while separated or divorcing. The retired hit sitcom “Splitting up Together” brought nesting into the mainstream. My interest in nesting goes back to 1994 when my ex and I nested for 15 months. Most people have not heard of "nesting" during divorce, or perhaps don't fully understand how it works.
I have learned when multiple folks tell me the same thing, there is probably some truth to the statements. Over the past year, I have often been told I need to “stay in my lane.” As a seasoned (aka old) professional, it was initially shocking to be confronted for over-stepping my roles in various cases then I realized……this is a symptom of being a Collaborative professional!
With all of the highly charged commentary about racial inequality and injustice in the news today, I recall a number of years ago being at breakfast at an IACP forum, looking around the room, and feeling a sense of curiosity and embarrassment, wondering “why are there so few people of color at the conference?”